Grandpa's girlfriend insists on being called "Grandma," grandkids tattle on her after she corners them: "You can't say no to your elders"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 16, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Top of the morning to ya, ya tea-lovin' ladies. When you marry into a family, it may take a while for them to start referring to you with specific titles. For example, your husband's nieces and nephews might simply think of you as his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife for a period of time before they finally call you "Auntie." You cannot force people to use these familial titles if they do not want to, but when they finally do, you truly feel like part of the family.

In our story today, a woman tries desperately to be included in her boyfriend's family. She wants to be called "Grandma" by his grandkids, but having had only a handful of interactions with her, they refuse. She attempts to corner them to convince them to use the term, but they tell on her instead, leading to a whole slew of family drama. Get all the details by scrolling down. 

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  • 01

    AITA for saying no to my grandpa's wife when she asked me to set an example for my younger siblings and cousins and start calling her grandma?

    "She asked me to call her grandma a bunch of times, but I kept using her name. When she said it bothered her, I asked her if she'd prefer me to use something more formal. She said no, she wanted me to call her grandma or grammy. I told her I wasn't going to start calling her that."
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My mom and uncle don't like my grandpa's wife. Not sure if they ever liked her. But when they had kids they always used her name and they told us she wasn't really their mom or our grandma, she was just married to grandpa and that grandma was
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 03
    the only grandma we had from their side. So we all called grandpa's wife by her first name and none of us have seen much of her. We see grandpa a little more but we don't see him a whole lot either. Grandma is the grandparents we had in our lives the most. She was amazing too.
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10453856256
    via Yuganov Konstantin
  • 05
    We did see grandpa and his wife some more in December because he was turning 70 and he wanted to see us all for Christmas. When I was there his wife wanted me to help her and she wanted us to spend time together. She asked me to call her grandma a bunch of times but I kept using her name and when she said it bothered her I asked her if she'd prefer me to use something more formal. She said no, she wanted me to call her grandma or grammy or something. I told her I wasn't going to start calling he
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 06
    On Christmas Day she mentioned it again when she found me alone. She told me she wants me to set an example of my siblings and cousins, who are all younger, and call her grandma so they'll do it too. I told her no and said I needed to get back to where everyone was. She whispered in my ear that I should help my elders and should know you can't say no to an adult like that.
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 07
    I told my mom what happened. She told my uncle and the two of them confronted grandpa's wife in the new year... and then grandpa's wife messaged me on Instagram and told me I had some nerve
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10453856512
    via Maria Sbytova
  • 09
    saying no to her face and then telling my mom on her. She said I was almost an adult and should be able to handle this maturely and respectfully. She also said I shouldn't let my mom influence who is and isn't my grandparent or family. AITA?
    via u/ImprovementLast7674

  • I do feel for this woman. She feels alienated by the family, but forcing people to call her “Grandma” will not endear anyone towards her. 

  • 10
    Right_Cucumber5775 NTA. Please block her and don't allow her to contact you anymore. She is way out of line and has no business trying to go around the parents. Show your mom her latest text. Mom and uncle need to tell her and your grandfather that she needs to stay in her lane.
    via u/Right_Cucumber5775
  • 11
    xTwinkleBlossom She's being way too pushy and disrespectful. Blocking her and showing your mom the text is a good move. Stay firm on this. NTA
    via u/xTwinkleBlossom
  • 12
    Time-Process356 You're not in the wrong here. You don't have to call her grandma just because she's married to your grandpa. It's all about respect, and if you're not comfortable, you shouldn't feel forced to change. She can't just demand that title without building that relationship first. Your boundaries are valid!
    via u/Time-Process356
  • 13
    Ok-Specialist-5749 NTA, girl. You're not gonna force a "grandma" title on someone you don't have that connection with. She's gotta respect that. It's not about age, it's about feelings and family bonds.
    via u/Ok-Specialist-5749
  • 14
    Dachshundmom5 An adult just cornered you alone and tried to convince you that you're not allowed to tell an adult no. 100% you should immediately tell your parents that and 100% you are NTA. I think she's made it clear why your mom and uncle don't like her
    via u/Dachshundmom5
  • 15
    ImprovementLast7674 Oh yeah, for sure, if this is how she was with them I can see why.
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 16
    Vandreeson NTA. What this person said, plus she's trying to use you to manipulate the other kids to call her grandma.
    via u/Vandreeson

  • She is far too pushy and entitled. Maybe she would've gotten what she wanted by just being nice and hanging out with the grandkids.

  • 17
    MLiOne She has now earned the name "Grandpa's wife". I refer to my sister-in-law as my "idiot brother's wife". There is nothing sisterly, family or loving about her or her idiot husband. BTW you can always say no to ANYONE. It's called consent and she doesn't have it.
    via u/MLiOne
  • 18
    mammaredditt NTA, that lady is the a_h_le & you are absolutely not obligated to call her anything you don't want to & neither is anyone else in your family.. the entitlement is insane. where is your grandfather in all of this? why is he letting his wife act like a lunatic?
    via u/mammaredditt
  • 19
    HappySparkly Unicorn Kinda ironic that grandpa's wife says OP should listen to them and not let mom dictate who is family. Mom has more of a right than grandpa's wife.
    via u/HappySparklyUnicorn
  • 20
    ManaOmega like! it's crazy!!! and OP handled the situation better than i would
    via u/ManaOmega
  • 21
    My_Lovely_Petal No one has the right to demand a title or force a relationship, especially when their behavior is so out of line. The entitlement is truly baffling And OP was right to wonder where the grandfather stands he really should be stepping in and addressing her behavior. It's unfair to let her act this way unchecked and put the rest of the family in such an uncomfortable position. NTA
    via u/My_Lovely_Petal
  • 22
    MichaSound Yeah, I can see why OP's parents mostly kept them away from Grandpa and his wife...
    via u/MichaSound
  • 23
    AnuraLaas yeah it's giving toxic and entitlement
    via u/AnuraLaas
  • 24
    Decent-Dig-771 NTA "Grandma" is acting like a child.
    via u/Decent-Dig-771
  • 25
    stroppo NTA. Thing is, you did handle the situation respectfully. She asked you to call her grandma; you said no. She can be unhappy about your answer, but she can't buy you about it. It sounds like you weren't r de. And why shouldn't you tell your mother?
    via u/stroppo
  • 26
    ImprovementLast7674 OP She thinks at my age I shouldn't need to. That I can handle any issue myself. But she wasn't letting it go.
    via u/ImprovementLast7674
  • 27
    sleepingrozy She's just flip flopping with any excuse that fits her needs. First your a child who needs to listen to her as an "adult," but then she turns it around and says you should be acting like a adult and not have to tell your Mom.
    via u/sleepingrozy

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